A Waitress, the Question, and a Lesson*
July / August 2024
I was at a restaurant bar, nursing a beverage while waiting for my take-out order to be done. Opening my laptop, I started writing my weekly blog.
When the waitress brought me my order, she graciously apologized for the wait. I told her that was fine because it gave me the chance to work. She glanced at my open laptop and document and asked, “Oh, are you a writer?” I almost said yes, but then hesitated.
Instead I replied, “I could say yes, but really, I’m just someone who writes. By saying yes I’d be fitting into your preconceived notion of what a writer is, which is probably inaccurate regarding me.”
Most of us are not very good at giving an accurate description of ourselves. We see ourselves through the stories our ego constantly feeds us, creating an illusory, and complimentary image of ourselves. It’s often our friends and those around us who can truly tell us who we are. They see us through their experience of us, beyond our achievements, careers, and possessions.
When theologian Stanley Hauerwas was asked if he was a Christian, he answered, “You’ll have to ask my friends.” Likewise, Jesus asked his followers, “Who do you say I am?” (Matthew 16:15-17) knowing it would reveal their true perceptions of him.
Such feedback doesn't feed the ego, but hopefully engenders a subtle humility in us. By being receptive to what friends confer on us, we show up a little less certain when claiming who we are.
And a little more open to the mystery of becoming.
The waitress, probably getting more answers than she anticipated, quipped, “Good point!” and, with a flick of her ponytail, she turned and was gone.
* Roy Salmond, a gifted writer and a good friend has periodically contributed to the CIF blog. He also kindly assisted in producing the very first CIF PODCAST( see below) It is currently called Voices in the City.
Voices in the City
A City in Focus Podcast
Click for a sneak preview of Episode 1: The Genesis of CIF
Roy Salmond, Sacred Wounds, interviews Dr. Tom Cooper, Founder and President of City in Focus, on the beginnings and work of CIF over the past 35 years.